Monday, March 8, 2010

I'm not broken anymore!

I appear to have regained the ability to cry.  I was honestly a little worried about myself when I realized it had been years since the last time I had cried (this was probably about a year ago) - and I thought that maybe I was turning part-robot, or someone had snuck in and removed some part of one of my brain-lobes that controlls emotions or something like that.

Possibly, it was related to the fact that I feel horribly uncomfortable around crying people, and see it as a sign of their weakness or something like that.  I don't know.  I just started to suspect I might be broken, and began to pay more attention -

Let's see - a commercial about cotton? Nope - no tears.  A sad story in the newspaper about some terrible people & innocent babies/kittens/puppies/trees? Not a sniffle.  Thinking about super duper sad stuff that's happened in the past? A twinge in the tear-duct/heartstring region, but nothing in terms of waterworks.

So - finally - a whole bunch of stuff went down at work, and I cried.  It was one of those shocked & angry cries, where your face contorts because you're trying not to let it out, but having a difficult time of it.  And I cried, then I got angrier, and replaced the crying with ranting and raving.  A week later, lo and behold - it happened again.  Now I was starting to think - whoa! What's going on here??  Can I now cry if it's something work-related?  Am I going to have to find some sort of future-tears detection system to facilitate sneaky trips to the bathroom? Am I going to become one of THOSE women who CRIES at her desk (dear lord, please don't do that to me)?  Luckily, that was the end of the crying at work fiasco.  I'm planning on never letting it happen again.

The strange thing is that since then, I appear to have completely regained my ability to cry.  Since the work fiasco I have cried numerous times, including:
  • during a movie
  • during a book (and during an audiobook, I don't know if they should have their own bullets or not)
  • during the Oscars
  • When very, very, very sick and in a lot of pain
I'm hoping this doesn't mean I'm going to be a big old wuss from now on.  But the Oscars really did worry me.  But I'm sure I'm not the only one - I mean, Sandra Bullock was just plain incredible in that speech. 

Long story short - I'm fixed now - and while I still am uncomfortable around crying people (or sick people or depressed people or way more successful than me people and a few others) - and I still feel a bit superior to someone when I see them crying - at least I can be a big loser like them sometimes too.

No comments: